


as romantic as a pair of handcuffs

by therentistoodamnhigh



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Noir, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lazy Mornings, M/M, References to Who Killed Markiplier, grumpy detective anti, listen i was going for gritty noir romance but it turned into cute polyamory, standard wkm induced trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-08-09 15:42:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16452755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therentistoodamnhigh/pseuds/therentistoodamnhigh
Summary: If he were being honest, Anti would say that he loved the hazy nights and mornings with his two lovers. What he would really say is that it's nice to have an evening off.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> listen i fucking love the noir/urban aesthetic where everything is hazy and dirty but lovely all the same
> 
> title is a quote from the movie The Big Heat (1953). (haven't watched it, just found it in a list of quotes bc titles are hard)

It was late as hell, or early as hell depending on how one looked at it, and Anti was inexplicably awake. He’d lit up a cigarette, entranced by the way the yellow light from the street lamps filtered through the shitty horizontal blinds and lit up the smoke in rows.

Marvin’s sleeping form was a heavy, comforting weight on his chest, and almost absently Anti petted at the man’s hair, pulling long locks away from his pretty face. They were both naked, and the sheets were a mess from an evening of heated passion, but the lack of blankets didn’t bother them because they both ran warm as hell and the hard chill of autumn was only just setting in.

The apartment was cheap, and the furniture inside it was even cheaper with a bed frame that creaked with even the slightest movement and cabinets with drawers that never closed quite right. Marvin had wrinkled his nose at the mess the first time he’d come over, and Anti had been unapologetic for it, even against the snarky comments the street magician had made about the gun lying casually on the coffee table.

Anti’s mind returned to the present and noticed that his cigarette had burnt down to the filter, so he turned away from Marvin slightly to snuff it out on the ashtray on his nightstand, and for a moment his eyes caught on the way the glowing green digits of the digital clock made the smudges and lip prints stand out on the half-full glass of water. He turned back to Marvin, and the late hour and exhaustion must’ve brought out his tender side, because he found himself pressing a kiss to Marvin’s forehead and rubbing his back with the arm pinned beneath him.

Marvin’s eyelashes fluttered briefly against the skin of Anti’s chest, and he shifted, sighing, before settling back down. Something ached in Anti’s chest, and it was hard to identify it as he stared down at Marvin’s long eyelashes.

There was the sound of footsteps, but Anti didn’t tense up because he knew it was just Jack, having gotten up to go to the bathroom or get a glass of water. He heard him yawn as he rounded the corner into the bedroom, and he couldn’t help but smile. Jack was a sunshiny beam of positivity in these dark, grimy streets, and Anti didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky to be able to have not one but two lovers in a mutually content, happy little triangle. 

Jack smiled sleepily back at him as he approached the bed, and pressed a kiss to his lips as he climbed in. Jack loved to cuddle, but found that trying to sleep against someone else was uncomfortable, and so he simply snuggle up close, entwining Anti’s free hand with his own, resting one leg on top of Anti’s. Jack licked his lips, only to make a mock disgusted face at the lingering taste of cigarette smoke and the remnants of alcohol.

Anti stuck out his tongue at Jack, only to have it captured in a suckling kiss. They kissed lazily for a few moments before Jack settled down onto the pillow, his sleepy, half-lidded eyes almost sparkling with quiet mirth. He squeezed Anti’s hand before closing his eyes to sleep.

For a moment all was right in the world, and for once Anti found it easy to slip into slumber.

  
  


In the morning, Anti was roused by Marvin stretching. He took the opportunity to squeeze his ass with one hand, grinning.

Marvin made a face at him, murmuring, “It’s too early for that, you nerd.”

“What, am I not allowed to appreciate your sexy figure?” Anti murmured in return, voice rough from not only sleep, but also a scar from a bar fight that had ruined his vocal chords and almost killed him, but fortunately there’d been a German doctor nearby that had saved his life.

“You can, but fucking isn’t on the agenda for me this morning.”

“Butt fucking is what we did last night,” Jack piped up from Anti’s other side, smiling cheekily.

“Pff, of course you’d say that,” Marvin said. He leaned over to kiss first Jack then Anti, his hair tickling their faces. Marvin pulled back from Anti, making a face. “Your breath smells like shit, dude, go brush your teeth.”

“Alright,  _ fine _ , I’ll go brush my teeth.” Anti pressed kiss to Jack’s lips before getting up, extracting himself from the pile of limbs.”Help yourselves to breakfast, you know where the cereal is,” Anti called out on the way to the bathroom.

“Can I make pancakes?” Jack asked. 

“If you can find the ingredients, sure,” Anti said, squeezing out a bit of toothpaste on his toothbrush.

“Aw yiss,” Jack said, and Anti heard them talking quietly as they put some clothes on before padding away into the kitchen.

When Anti was done brushing his teeth, he put on a pair of boxer briefs and some black skinny jeans before wandering into the kitchen, phone in one hand. Jack was whisking some ingredients in a bowl, and Marvin was sitting at the table with his hair in a messy half bun scrolling through his phone, both of them fully dressed.

“Found enough ingredients, huh?” Anti said.

“Yep!” Jack chirped. “But I’ll have to get creating with cooking them though, since you have fuck-all kitchenware. Also why is everything in this apartment garbage when you’ve got that detective job?”

Anti shrugged. “I don’t like buying stuff unless i absolutely need it. Cigarettes are expensive, ya know?”

The three of them bantered while Jack poured little circles of batter into a skillet, and then Anti’s phone rang.

It was the police station. Couldn’t exactly ignore it, could he?

“What,” Anti said by way of greeting.

“I’ve got another case for you,” came Chase Brody’s voice, “and I think it’s right up your alley.”

“Yeah?” Anti could feel the other two paying close attention to the conversation.

“Yeah, I’ll tell you more specifics when you get out here, but this isn’t a normal homicide, it’s weird as hell. Not only was the victim stabbed 37 times, he was also poisoned, beaten, strangled, drowned, and shot, in that order. I have my suspicions that there might be something unnatural about this, but hey, I’m not a detective. Whaddya say?”

“Hmm.” Anti scratched at his beard. “Can it wait, like, fifteen minutes for pancakes?”

Brody laughed. “Yeah, it can wait. The body’s not going anywhere. Let me give you the address, I’ll be waiting there.”

Anti copied down the address and then hung up, focusing back on the smell of pancakes.

“Another murder?” Marvin asked.

“Yeah, there’s always murder,” Anti said dryly. “I’ll head out once I’ve eaten some of these pancakes.”

“Lucky for you, I’m done with a batch!” Jack said, setting a plate with a cute little stack of pancakes on it in front of Anti. “Is that gonna be enough?”

“Yeah, it’s enough. Thanks, sweetheart,” Anti said, grabbing a pancake with his hand and stuffing half of it into his mouth.

“Oh my god, you heathen,” Jack said, rolling his eyes as he turned back to the stove. Marvin snickered next to them.

“It’s fucking good, what do you expect?” Anti mumbled through a mouthful.

“Stop talking with your mouth full, it’s gross!”

“I’ll do what I want!”

The three of them chatted a little more while Anti finished his pancakes. When Anti was done, he stood up and walked over to Jack, kissing him on the cheek. “Thanks for breakfast.”

Jack smiled and turned his head, kissing Anti on the mouth and relishing the sweet taste of pancake. “You’re welcome.”

Anti hadn’t been quite so polite when they first met, but Jack and Marvin had wormed their way into his heart enough that he didn’t like their sad expressions when their efforts weren’t properly appreciated, and so Anti had grudgingly adopted the manners they kept pressing on him.

Anti returned to the bedroom to put on a shirt as well as socks and shoes. He buckled on shoulder holster for his gun and went to the living room to slide his gun inside it. He put on the long black trench coat he had, the one that Marvin said made him look like a badass, and kissed both of his lovers goodbye.

“Don’t get into any trouble while I’m out.”

“We won’t,” Jack and Marvin chorused.

“Uh huh, sure.” Anti grabbed his things, putting them in his pockets. “I’ll be back later.” He shut the door on their farewells and frowned up at the dark grey sky. Of  _ course _ it was raining, that was just his luck. Fortunately it wasn’t raining too hard though.

The address was close, and he considered whether it was worth it to walk in the rain or take his car and try to find parking. In the end he decided to walk. He turned his collar up against the rain, and walked the gray city streets to the address given him.

When he arrived, Brody was waiting for him, leaning on the car.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anti is called to Markiplier Manor to investigate. Everything goes wrong, but fortunately Jack and Marvin are there to catch him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SUPRISE I'M BACK WITH MORE OF THIS  
> they're so fuckin cute i just couldn't stay away  
> find me on tumblr at silverpracticality.tumblr.com
> 
> (i've done so much writing over the last couple days, i'm surprised by myself)

Anti was still trying to process what the hell had happened in that house. When they’d gotten inside, the body was gone, the only evidence it had been there in the first place being the blood stains on the creaking floorboards. There were a few people there when they arrived: a kind-faced politician, his assistant who’d found the body and called the police, an ex-military man Anti suspected was partially off his rockers, the politician’s sister, the butler, and the chef. Who the hell had a butler and a chef in this day and age anyway?

Anti and Brody had questioned them, and then things went strange in ways he couldn’t explain. Next thing he knew the situation was escalating, people disappearing, possibly even dying, but they couldn’t find the way out, surely this house wasn’t that big? They were just on the cusp of understanding what the hell had happened, only to have Brody get shot in the stomach. Then the assistant had gotten shot and fallen over the railing, and Anti made to chase after the military man, but as soon as he rounded the corner the man was gone.

He didn’t know his way out of the house, didn’t trust that it wouldn’t warp around him as he carried Brody’s lifeless body out.

So he waited.

He ended up waiting long enough next to his dead partner that Brody was gasping back to life, trying to speak past the pain, but all Anti could do was stare at him with a mounting sense of horror.

Anti decided “fuck it”, and helped Brody out of the house, and by some miracle the house let them leave. He fell back to protocol, and got Brody medical assistance, and then after looking at the sky that had turned to night, decided that he could just write the report in the morning. 

He made his way home in a daze, absently scratching at the scar on his neck. Once he closed the door to his apartment behind him, Jack practically tackled Anti in a hug.

“Where the hell have you been?! You were gone for almost 12 hours, we’ve been worried sick!”

Anti didn’t say anything. In fact, it took him a long moment to react at all, and when he did it was to slowly wrap his arms around Jack, burying his face in Jack’s shoulder.

Marvin came up more calmly, rubbing Anti’s back. “What happened? Are you ok?”

There was a knot of emotion in Anti’s chest, one he didn’t care to analyze nor acknowledge. It crept up into his face and behind his eyes, and took a breath just slightly shaky around the edges, and let it out in a slow exhale.

“I’m fine,” he said after a few moments. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Jack squeezed him a little tighter. “Okay, that’s fine. Are you hungry?”

“...no.”

“Do you wanna watch something on the tv?”

Anti made a noncommittal noise, keeping his arms wrapped around Jack.

“Do you wanna fuck?” Marvin asked.

“Not right now,” came Anti’s mumbled answer.

“We can just snuggle if you like,” Jack offered. “I’m very good at snuggles.”

“Yeah, you are good at that,” Marvin agreed

“Alright, it’s decided then,” Jack said. “We’ll all change into comfy clothes and then we can move our snuggling operations to the bed.”

Despite himself, Anti felt his mouth twitch up into a smile. “That sounds agreeable,” he said, withdrawing from Jack’s embrace.

Jack began rambling as the three of them shed layers on the way to the bedroom, and the bouncing lilt of Jack’s voice slowly brought Anti back to himself and grounded him. It would be nice to be able to lie in their warmth, to feel something real and solid and sure after the mind-bending chaos of that damned manor. Anti wanted to forget the whole mess entirely in an ideal situation, but he knew good and damn well that today’s events would be burned into his memory forever.

Anti was startled out of his thoughts by Jack very gently placing his hands on Anti’s cheeks and squishing them.

“What,” Anti said, the corner of his mouth tilting upward.

“Hi,” Jack said, voice soft and slightly goofy. “Are you ready to snuggle now?”

Anti was surprised to find that he was already in the pair of pajama pants he usually wore to bed minus a shirt. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Jack smiled at him, and they climbed into bed, pulling the covers over themselves. Jack and Marvin slotted themselves on either side of Anti, Marvin curling against his back and Jack cuddling up against his front.

Jack held both of Anti’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs against his skin and gazing worriedly at Anti’s distant stare. He wanted so much to get answers from Anti about what happened and why he was clearly not okay, but he knew that Anti would react badly to it, and so Jack just waited, snuggled up against him.

Eventually Anti broke the silence.

“That house shouldn’t exist,” he rasped.

Marvin hummed, a gentle request for him to elaborate.

“It warped around us. The layout of the house never made sense,” Anti said. “And then things went wrong and he shot Brody. Brody  _ died _ . I saw the life slip from his eyes right in front of me.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jack said softly, sincerely.

“I didn’t know the way out, so I just. Sat there. And then at some point Brody was just-  _ alive _ again and it didn’t make any sense at all because I saw him  _ die _ .” Anti’s voice cracked with emotion he rarely showed. “But he was alive so we just. Decided to say ‘fuck it’ and left.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jack said again, and he reached up a hand and brushed a thumb just under Anti’s eye.

That tender motion made something inside Anti. The stinging pressure behind his eyes was back and then he was crushing Jack to his front and he was crying, heaving deep, wracking sobs and he didn’t understand why it was happening, but it was happening and he couldn’t make it stop.

Jack and Marvin clung to him tightly, murmuring soothing, encouraging words to him while he cried.

Anti cried himself out eventually, and there was a shame welling up inside him for having shown such weakness. His eyes were sore, and he was tired. He wanted to sleep. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“What for?” Jack asked. “There’s no need to be sorry. You went through something really tough today, it’s ok to be emotional about it.”

“But it’s not who I am. I don’t cry, that’s not something I do.” Anti protested gently.

“You can’t expect to be strong forever, Anti,” Marvin murmured. “What you saw today would make anybody lose their minds.”

“And besides, it’s not healthy to keep that shit bottled up,” Jack added. “I’m glad that you told us about what happened.”

“If you get nightmares tonight, or any other night, we can help you through them,” Marvin said. “It makes us happy to be able to help you through times when you don’t feel as strong.”

Anti didn’t know how to respond to their love. He wanted to protest, to make more arguments, but he was tired, and Jack was smiling so kindly at him and Marvin was a comforting weight at his back.

“Okay,” Anti said simply. He paused for a long moment. “Thanks. I appreciate it.”

The smile Jack gave him in return could’ve lit up a whole room. “I’m glad. I’m happy you got home safe. I bet you’re tired by all that; let’s go to sleep and in the morning I’ll warm up the leftover pancakes, okay?”

Anti yawned. “That sounds like a good plan. Sleep sounds great.”

Marvin hummed his agreement, wrapping his arms around Anti’s waist just a little tighter.

The love in the air was so thick Anti could’ve choked on it as it swelled in his chest. As it was, he just said goodnight to them, and they chorused sweet goodnights back at him. They settled into the bed, and Anti was asleep before he could worry about fear keeping him awake, cradled between his two blessedly kind lovers.


End file.
